This week on the MSHP Blog Tour, our assignment is to list our top ten most loved and hated books. Touching
on the unreadable, a trip through those books I have read and hated, tried and
failed to read or just downright hated with a capital Hate.
Ok,
I will start with an easy one. The number one loathed author on my list, an
author that makes me question the world. Question how such a mouldering heap of
putrid wank ever made its way off an editor’s desk without being carried away
like flotsam down the brown tunnel.
The
writer that claims the dubious honour of being number one in this list of
literary mediocrity is Jack Higgins, his book, “The Keys of Hell”. Everything
about this book I despise. My main issue with this fucking book is it’s like a
boomerang, I lend it out, it is returned on time. I drop it on the bus, it is
handed to me before I get off. I pack it into the box of books as I move and
somehow it survives pristine. It’s like cancer or a genital wart in many
respects. I never know when the bastard thing will come back and when it does its
very presence gnaws at my body and haunts my dreams.
It
brings together several members of his “cast” of equally tedious tropes. A
nation state desperate to hold onto control by crushing any faith movement
within their borders, a priceless artifact that one pursuer wishes to use as an
icon, as a rallying point for rebellion. One group wishes to avail themselves
of the value that the item holds as an object d’art and the third wish to
destroy it and use it as a means to lure out and murder their opposition, a
plot that is so mind numbingly dull that even Lucas has stopped using it.
The book appears to rely on you having read many
previous books by the author to give any sort of character depth or power
because they are completely plastic, like cheezwizz, they are close to
characters but somehow not quite right. The air of artificial hovering like the
stench of a tannery, existing in the background yet somehow the most prominent
smell in the room: overpowering any immersion or engagement.
Yet
despite the fact that I suspect the bowel movement diary of Michael Moore to
have a deeper plot and more character driven events and character development I
did find the book oddly gripping. In the same way that watching videos of fist
sized cysts being squeezed empty of pus on YouTube is engrossing. I found
myself reading in morbid curiosity: can this book get any worse, can it
disappoint me anymore? Can it plumb the depths of failure any more thoroughly?
The answer to all these questions is yes. Ex Secret agents that only drink Non
Vintage Krug, the social and political issues of Albania portrayed as simply as
communist versus theist and “He who controls the Madonna has the power” I mean
that worked in ‘allo allo’ but the fallen Madonna with the big boobies’ and its
copies were plot points for a farce not a tool for use in an attempt at a
serious thriller.
Now
moving to a book that is on this list of negatives purely because of it’s
affect on me as a reader, it’s a book by Gav Thorpe. “Way of the Warrior” piece
of science fiction writing set in the warhammer 40’000 universe. I love the
book for what it did, what it stands for and what it tried to be but as a
reader I hate it. It is frustrating and rather than naturally easy to read much
like I find most books, each page in this is a struggle; a struggle as I try to
understand a mindset completely foreign to me, Thorpe placing me in the
situation of seeing the thoughts, desires, dreams of someone, that I have no
way to understand, no common goals or links. Even those emotions that I do recognize feel foreign and off kilter. As a piece of literature the books in
this series are books I love as a scholar, as a student of science fiction and
as a writer, but as a casual reader relaxing and enjoying a book for its
entertainment value Its bloody hard work.
The
next book is a book of disjointed voices, images, views, a mix of characters,
character types and stories. It uses the written word, the spoken word, and reported
accounts in first, third and second person. It was described as an “artifact”
rather than a simple portfolio by the Academic who inspired the formation of
the pieces that make up the body of work, it’s a book that hasn’t been published
and I know it well. It’s mine, because it’s so bloody stressful and I spent so
much time writing it that I began to hate it because of the amount of time I
have insides the book. It became my life and began to suffocate me after a
while I do begin to fall out of love with my projects because they are such an
emotional struggle. It’s like having a child.
I
cant write a top ten list of my most hated texts because really they blur, they
become forgotten. If a text does not grab me does not have any pull or hook I
become indifferent too it and the author has failed because it has become forgotten. And those to me are my worst books, the forgettable, the books that I
cant even recall the cover or indeed a single line. Not that they are
horrifically bad books because those I remember but merely the OK books.
My
top ten books generally need no explanation, but I will provide a short
synopsis because I do not want to wax lyrical about them in fear of over-hyping
them and you not seeing what I see.
My
top book is a series it is the Caiaphas Cain series by Sandy Mitchell. It is part
memoir, part military, history, part flash man, and part black adder. A Political
Officer’s Memoir edited by an Inquisitor, all classified and very very funny.
In the grim darkness of the future there is only war and still the war-machine
produces real people, real heroes, and
real humor.
Second
is probably The Hitchhikers Guide series. Read the book, watch the film, the
show and the radio show and then build the real story from all the conflicting
accounts. It is a challenge but worth it.
The
Johnny series, by Terry Pratchett, the first book I found where teen lit dealt
with adult themes and images, well worth reading for that alone, a book for a
teen that faces the truth of growing up, friends, girls, life and death but
with aliens, ghosts, time travel and so many very clever puns. The time traveling trolley owner called Mrs Tachyon being my favourite.
From
there we go to the Lost Fleet series, by John G Henry, an amazing classical war
story. The master of the fleet, a beautiful engrossing series that happens to be
in space. It feels real, the combat is real and it doesn’t treat the reader as
stupid with magic technology. The tech breaks, needs fuel and so do the people.
One for readers with a military mind.
From there it’s hard but I would mention the
Discworld series, the Horus Heresy series and oh probably Terry Brooks Knight
of the Word, with maybe the world of Harry Potter Fanfiction having some of my
favourite books, seeing other very talented writers playing in someone else's
sandbox. I adore so fanfiction and multi author worlds are amazing for me, seeing
different writers lay their style onto other characters is amazing. 
